Babes, there's the Valentine's warm soft glowing light content flooding the TikTok & Insta TL and then there's the reality of our unscripted lives. And sometimes what starts off warm and inviting ends up with regret.

Having sex, is a big deal. It comes with incredible responsibility and sometimes consequences that are life changing for life.

The gag is when we share our bodies with someone else it is advisable to be more of ourselves. If you haven't done the adjacent learning and healing work in tandem with growing up- getting down can do us dirty!

That is because relationships reveal where we need to grow and heal. They cast light on our deepest shadows, bringing to the surface wounds that we never quite tended to and bringing to the surface parts of us that we thought we were long buried.

If you were always dismissed as a child, if you were ridiculed for having a different opinion and outlook then things like wanting acceptance will show up when you're navigating consent. Maybe you say yes, when you really mean no, because the yes that goes against every fibre of your being gets you accepted and wanted for a while. Then you feel hollow and unfulfilled and the vicious cycle of inauthentic relationships begins…

Umjolo is a pandemic, because there are so many people walking around with immense trauma and when the relationships mirror where their wounding is - they are not ready or unwilling to tend to it. They don't want to do the work. Kodwa ke, you can't run away from yourself. The nervous system is literally an archive of every single trauma you have ever experienced in your entire life, from birth!

To truly be with another you must be with yourself… and that's the sort of nakedness that transcends skin and terrifies everyone. It's called vulnerability peppered with accountability and active healing . Sex is powerful, when misused it can be devastatingly destructive. Fortunately the opposite is true too, when it is engaged with, with great mindfulness - it can galvanize healing.

Had a first time regret? What did you learn from it?